3 person...

wats is 3 person... humm.. its 3 o me firends ba.. but y are they so special..?? i guess... haha they are import to me ba.. haha... in wat way... humm.. i strongly believe that not all things u can tell to every1 of ur firends.. the 3... haha.. can ba.. haha.. in another words... i guess.. among all me firends... the 3 person noes me the best ba...

person no.1.. haha u all noe her lar.. haha... she may be lamer than me... but she is always able to give me a gd answer to slove me problems... she shows me the bigger picture... haha... she is me best friend.. and... haha my lamest firend... just want to say.. thank you.. i noe lao tu... but... haha really wanted to say that a long time ago... tell u somethign also.. untill now... i still feel very sore about not being able to answer ur phone call when u where in taiwan... sorry... u where always there for me.. but when i needed me... i was not there...

person no.2... dont noe from when.. it started that i started calling her grandma.. and form when she accepted it... and form than on.. i can feel that.. she is really taking care of me like i am her really granddaughter.. no matter wat is is... physical, emotionally... she looked out and after me.. she need not do all this.. but she did.. talking to her... is one of the best thing u can do.. she noes me.. she noes wat i hate ppl asking me.. she noes that somethings.. she should not ask.. haha.. in time to come.. i will tell.... haha.. like the first person.. haha i want to say thank you... thank you for taking care of me...

person no.3... haha who is she.. haha.. she is a person.. whom i want to say sorry to... but dont noe how to... she noe my problems.. i noe hers.. or at least i did.. haha.. she and me... i guess i can say we are the same person ba.. haha.. always dwelling on the same problems.. haha... i dont noe.. she was once 1 of me best firend... but now... no longer... things happen.. sometimes.. way out of porpotions.. i dont noe how come we turn out to be this way.. she ever once ask me... 'i tot u noe me...' i want to tell her.. i noe u.. and than sorry.. i noe u.. thats y i noe how to hurt u... i noe where hurts the deepest.. its my fault things turn out this way... all i can say is sorry.. i hope u will be happy with ur life ba...

this 3 person are the most important friends i ever have... i guess u all noe who the 3 ppl are... acturally i really wanted to talk to a person now... but 1 is not in town.. 1 is sleeping cos she is sick... and the other 1.. she is no longer a firend... so i guess.. by typing things out.. i will feel better ba... i hope...

its a super quite night..
it is a super dark night...
every1 is sleeping...
no1 is thinking...
i am alone..
at my home...
my day is bad..
mine night is sad..
no1 is here...
or no 1 is willing to hear?
it is no1 fault...
it it my thought...
i dont hate meself...
but it feels like hell...
i am lost...
and when will i be found...

it is just the night...
that i just lost my light....

Thats Me..

who am i... turly... wat kinda person i am ?? am i just and entertainer... which i think most ppl ne me as... am i a lame person.. which i want people to think that i am... am i a person that can nv be link to the word serious?? am i a super happy go lucky person?? am i this person that is full of rubbish...???

i am a person that think too much... i am a person that care about wat ppl thinks about me too much.. i am a person that is afrid of people that noes who the really person... i am a person that will keep everything to myself.. i am a person that worries too much.. i am person that will not tell people how i feel... i am a person without a stand... i am a person who thinks that i am the saddest person in the world now... i am a person that is crying for me sch work again.. i am a person which dont 1 people to ask me wat is going on with my life... i am a person which will nv noe wat i want... i am a person which i think i am losing mine mind saying all this... i am a person that.... hate being lonely....

so.. wat does that make me... ?? haha... super bo liao person... i am a fake person.. i am a person that is very much affected by night ba...

happiness... does it belong to me ??

ever consider that... if in this world... there is no night.. there will be no day... if there is no studiess.. there will be no clever ppl... no clever ppl.. every1 will be equal... haha.. sch.. wats is that ??

was in church today... somethign me group leader say.. which i think is very try... every1 is blessed with joy... it is somethign given to u... but happiness.. is somethign u have to work for... humm.. wat is sad ?? if u have joy ??

every1 have to work for thier own happiness.. y ?? u have to work for everything is this world.. even happines... y?? y happiness... and... worst of all... after u work for it.. y cant it stay?? y can i be happy always... ??? when will u be able to be forever happy??? y is happiness so hard to achive.. but sadness alway easier to find u??

i guess it is the night ba... i guess it is the work ba.. i guesss it is the dead line... i guess... its me ba.. i guess... i am the core off all this ba.. humm.. that wat can i do?? haha i super dont noe...

No Mood...

Dont noe y.. only started sch for 3 weeks... suddenly.. i realy wonder.. did i bother to continue to study ?? super lost now... i have no idea wat i am doing.. and worst.. i have no ideaq wat i am suppse to do... dont noe where to start.. dont noe where to stop...

research.. for wat also?? i really dont understand... every topic have to do reseach.. is that wat u can a degree student.. do research.. and nothing but that ?? read books... read things online.. read... read.. read... somethign which i super hate...

suddenly super afrid... scared histroy may repeat itself.... scard i am fail.. scared i will not do well.. scared that i will just quit... scared that once again i waste me parents money.. scared i distroy thier hope...

stress?? haha who is not... i guess i can take stress as gd as ppl ba.. wonder how long it will take for me to calm down.. stress nv came for family.. or at least for me ba.. but they dont give u stress does not mean stress is not there.. i guess that is the root of my stress...

i am super lost.. and worst... haha... someone not in town... haha... how...?? how long will this night take to pass ??? how long will it take for me to understand... humans can never stand alone.. thats y they need firends... humm... at this time... i guess.. friedns also mei you ban fa jiu wo.. haha.. how... i also dont noe... life ba... it still goes on.. but how happy will it be... haha.. i dont noe.. haha

QUESTIONS = LOST = STRESS = FEAR

A Beautiful Mind Or Body?

Was in class just now.. haha... hai... just recieved a new project, humm.. the topic... quiet happening.. depends on how u look at it ba.. its about - body, inernal, external... haha.. no weird though..

how 1 person looks.. or should i say.. how u judge a person.. is it due to internal, or external? Never judge a book by its cover... First impression is always very important... hum.. this 2 sentance is very true.. but can the coninside..?? can they be words of a some statement ? which is more ture than the other..??

how should you judge a person?? by the outlooks?? will that led u to become a bimbo? judge the person by their internal? will ppl think you take things too seriously?? humm.. who have the correct defination of how to judge a person.. who have the right to say you are beautiful.. who have the right to say you are ugly? does having a beautiful mind but a scare over your face called beautiful?? or is it having a perfect body but nothing up there call beautiful??

humans react to things differently... thing may be beautiful to u may be ugly to other.. like a man's pee is another man's water.. haha.. oh.. in a more seriouly tone... eg. red to asian maybe lucky.. but to other ppl?? danger?? stop?? this is wat i mean.. every1 is different.. not only on how they think..also on how they look...

so in this morden socity... wat is more important.. the brains.. or the body??i guess... in gernal.. it depends on wat line of work you r in ba.. some job requires you to be smart.. some.. just dont.. haha i dont noe wat kind of job.. but that should be ba.. haha...

i guess.. how u judge a person should not affect how u treat of a person.. wat i mean? humm.. simple term.. C maybe this nice guy.. but that oes not mean u have to treat him better cos he is a nice guy.. he maybe nice but he may not be ur type.. u get wat i mean..??

humm.. acturally why i say all this is because i want to tell u.. NEVER trust the oxford or www.dictionary.com's defination too much.. cos liek i said before.. alot of things in this world cannot be understand.. thus.. let alone define it...

i am smart.. you r beautiful...
i am just simple better...
cos i am the story writer..
and you r a charactor...

Am I Going To Be Late.. Again?

Time really flies... it is already july of 2005... and life is sill long way ahead... i am only 21.. haha... humm.. but how long is long way ahead?? when times really flyies??

i start sch 1 week le.. seems short.. but week 5 have to hand in 1 project le.. humm.. canot play le... scary hor? hai... wat to do..bobian.. grow up le.. respondsibilities come le.. u can dont hand in.. fail loh.. haha.. who cares rite? haha... I CARE LOH!!

1 day still takes the same old 24hr to revolve around the world... but how come times seems to be shorter? has the world become smaller?? or some how.. 24hrs is nolonger 24hrs.. but has become 20 hrs??

when some 1 grows older... more things, happening things normally happens around them..weather they like it or not... things do happen.. like... when u grow older.. u noe u have to go toliet.. u will take the time to walk to the toliet... instead of just peeing on the floor.. like a baby.. humm.. time is taken up... now u noe y babys always sleep.. cos they have alot of time.. haha... there for... i guess.. i can say... when u grow older.. time tense to be shorter...

u have more work to do.. cos u older.. more responsibilities.. u have more firends to go out with.. cos maybe u becaome more socialable.. u have more dinners to attent to.. cos most of ur firends are getting married.. so on and so forth... haha

but anyway... wat i am trying to say is.. as you grow older... though times passes by 'faster'... but that does not give u the reason to waste them away.. humm.. u may have a long life.. but if time catches up with u.. u will be 60 soon.. it is than.. that u will noe u wasted ur life away...

i am afriad that when i reach 60 that day.. i will not have a past to recall back.. not because i forgot.. bt life is just not happening enough ba.. i dont think y going kbox and playing pool everyweek will be something i want to or is the only think that i can talk about hen i am 60...

humm.. how than is called a happening life.. haha.. well.. i have not find out.. if not i will not be going to play pool and sing kbox every week le ba.. haha.. i did say before.. i am a lost bear.. i dont noe wat i want in life.. haha but.. i guess... alot of ppl also dont noe ba.. cos.. humm..humans are never containted... haha... like time.. it will nv be contented that the clock has ticked enough mintues.. and just stop right there... it will just go on and on...

life may be long or short...
wats more important is..
life must be happening...

Are You Lonely?

loneliness... is it use to discribe someone who is alone.. or someone who has alot of firends... but you can speak to no one about how you feel ? do you wait for loneliness to pass or do you work hard to prevent loneliness from coming? in the first place.. will loneliness ever leave someone ? if you are alway happy being alone... do you call that lonely? is loneliness cause by lack of love?

i strongly believe that in everyone... loneliness do live in them... how much? i dont noe.. loneliness grows.. eventhough you have lots of firends by ur side... but are you truely happy?? if u r not happy... does that mean u r sad.. if u r sad... does that mean u are lonely?? in some way... i think all this things links up to one another... i dont noe how... but... they do.. like how u cuting ur hand.. u feel pain and at the same time u bleed... all inter linked.. haha

haha.. believe it or not.. to a certain extend.. i am no longer afriad of the dark.. as in really scary cos no light.. dark dark.. black black... only when it is dark.. you will feel lonely ba.. when u have nothign to see... most of the time.. nothign to hear.. your brain tense to generate more things.. things that are most of the time.. nothing to laugh about.. maybe that y i dont like the night so much.. dont like the feeling of having to think emoctionally... dont like to use the heart instead of the brain to think...

so.. does that mean loneliness can be also cause by the dark.. haha.. to me.. that is when loneliness do really happen... even for 1 min.. it is also that scary.. but... as human.. day and night is considered a whole ba.. no day.. there comes no night.. no night.. day will nv appear.. set ur mind to be happy there is a night a you want to wait for the aproach of the day.. so.. be happy there is a night.. evernthough.. nights are hard to pass..

my night is your day..

but my thoughs are not your thoughs..

To You...

Acturally was supprise you ask for me blog add... cos i tot u will not noe... not that i dont 1 u to noe... but just... haha.. u noe... haha.. i also dont noe lar.. but anyway... this blog is for u...

Time flys fast... how long have i known u.. i hope its long enough to give me enough information that... when i write this to u.. i noe wat to say and noe wat not to say... hope nothing bad will come out of it.. hope you will feel better...

i knew of this news when i first recieve a phone call... humm.. i guess was more shock than when i first saw u 2 hold hands when walking into me house... though i have total no idea wat happened.. but i guess things happen for a reason... and that if i noe nuts about wat happen.. the least i can to is to respect the reason and to give u my support....

tell you to not be sad and to not think about it.. it is a lie.. we are humans and we have feelings.. how can you not be sad? how can u not thin about it? when darkness comes... things tense to float into ur mind.. i dont noe y such things happens.. but it do.. like how sun rise for the east ba.. they just happen...

but anyway.. just want to let you noe... in sg... all kids (like me) are very lucky... we all have handphone.. i may not be the rite person to talk to.. i admit.. but wat i am trying to say here is... ur other firends have handphones to.. lonely nights are hard to pass.. a lonely night to u maybe a lonely night to another person.. so dont feel shy.. pick up the phone.. make a phone call out... 2 lame ppl talking on the phone talking is better than 2 lonely ppl staring into the dark sky.. futher more.. we are in sg... star are like lesser tha your armpit hair.. heehee

i noe times are hard to pass not.. i have learnt something along the way.. forget somethign will nv happen.. unless something major happen to ur head.. (please.. no wierd ideas..) if not.. you will nv forget anythign that happen in ur life.. so... learning to appect some thing is the best sulotion out.. accepting and not rejecting will bring u to the end of the road...

i hope you will see the massage.. did not noe how to talk to u face to face.. cos.. was thinking.. should not disturb u.. anyway.. i hope.. after reading this.. you will at least noe that.. kids in singapore are all very lucky as they are blessed with handphone.. haha.. just hope u noe... anything happens.. we are just a phone away... talking helps.. hope i will be able to see the real happy side of you soon...

The night is quiet...
but i keep hearing things...
where is it coming from??
brain?? heart??

Friends... Part 1

The story starts with A, B, C....

A is B's firend..

A is C's firend..

B and C noe each other... through A...

A and C rarely talk... it just happens that.. A noe's C... how..?? i dont noe... i am not A... haha... anyway... though A and C are firend... conversation rarely takes place...

B is A's firend... how did they become firends... i also dont noe.. i am not B also... haha.. but anyway.. A and B are... hum... i think close friends ba.. haha..

one day... A, B and C all went out... with E, F, G, H,I, J, K and alot more lar... haha... from there... B and C became firends... and from than... B and C had been talking on and off... humm... talk about wat?? i also dont noe.. i am not C also.. haha... anyway.. as times pass... B noes C more than A noes C... humm... here comes the question...

Is my firend your friend or is it ur friend's friend... haha... this is a question i been trying to answer.. i think it is ur firend... but some ppl think other wise.. humm...

the other Question lies... Humm.. if i am not A, B or C... wat does that make me...?? haha i am the story writer stupid... haha

Your Firends.. Mine Friends..

Aint they all human..

We should be more socialable..

School Start le!!!

haha... school finiall start le... humm.. all night class... haha.. dadi dont understand wat kind of school is that... haha... all night class... 3 times a week... haha... i told her... designers life... night is morning... morning is night... haha the school is training us to work late... haha.. yar rite... wat bullshit.. haha

class will be starting at 6.30 later... humm.. wonder who will be teaching? haha.. hope its not...... haha better dont say.. later turn out to be true.. haha.. pretty excited by now.. but abit scared of new faces... haha..

humm... this is first week of sch... wonder can i leave early... i have no idea... hope so... cos... tonight... hoping to go out... last min de... haha.. but most prob i dont think i can make it... depends on who is teaching.. haha... maybe his earlier like use go will be lessons ending at 9.45.. haha..

anyway... just hope everythign will be fine.. no alot of work to be done... slacker life style... haha..

dreams are only dreams...
wish are only wish..
hopes are only hopes..
shit.. does that mean class will end as per normal...

The Power Of The Brain

recently have been thinking... ppl that are surrounding me... no matter younger or older... all are so much more mature than me... humm.. am i really me mama bear's little baby bear??? humm.. i guess... the more important question is.. will i forever be baby bear... starting sch tomorrow le... humm... chao chao... now am doing me degree... humm... got a under grad like me like that de mah??

people always say i am a happy go lucky person... but happy go lucky will not bring u anywhere... lets face it... in the world out there... ppl are nv truely happy... only babys are happy... but i am a baby bear... does that make me truly happy? humm.. that is a question... i cant answer...

is happy and childish linked together? cos only baby (kids) are happy... but childish mean not mature... not acting ur onw age... does not mean kids... rite ? so if i have to chose between the 2... i think chlidish fits me more.. haha..

will i want to be forever like this? is the adult world really that scary? if i have nv been there.... how would i noe... than if i was really ever there.... how come now... i am back here? did i chose to come back... to a world of not ever having to grow up? a world where problems will never be my problems to solve... a world that ppl all take me as a kid... a world that i can still call myself a baby bear?

humm... i think... if this goes on.. i will beacome a lost bear... rather than a baby bear.. lost in a world that i think i can hide away forever... not wanting any responsibilty... not wanting to make any plans.. not wanting to have to me incharge of anything... not having to be a leader...

humm... i think... i have just become a loser bear... haha... humm... baby bear, lost bear, loser bear.... which is the bear that i am? haha... in the words of my brother... i am a bloody human... not a bear... haha... humm.... true...

in the end... i guess... i can conclude with.. this is a very big world... i am only 21... there are alot of this i have not see... alot of things i have not been through.. so... no matter how much i think... it is also no use... there are many things in this world... u can nv find an answer to... let alone... human minds...

humm... or is it i have already find an answer... but i just refuse to admit to it....

Big World.... Big Mind... Small Me...
My War Of The Worlds 2 - In Mine Mind-
coming soon...

Frist Time

huumm... this is me first time using a blog.. everyone around me is a blogger... haha.. except me... i guess... it is time i catch on to some fashion... haha.. so far so gd.... except.. i had problems trying to get the username and weeby add that i wanted... but wat the hack... just wanted to see how it will go... if everythign is not ok... that... i guess... i just forgo this site and open another new i guess... haha... i huess that is the advantage of internet ba... haha... u dont really have to be to responsible to me... correct me if i am wrong... haha cos i noe i am... but too much on me head now... dont really 1 2 think about that... haha

see... i am starting school tomorrow... again... haha.. but the diff is.. humm... have nto be in sch studying for like... humm... 8 months now? haha... rusty le... haha that y so jumpy ba... cos like.. u noe... hat... ok... i dont noe.. haha but... wat the hack.... still go like 9 more hr to total sch bounded... haha but... guess thats life.. haha

anyway.. dotn 1 2 type so much now... talk to my 'ah ma' haha she is online now... plus... i also 1 2 see the out come of this blog... wonder is it nice anot... haha okok... shant waste more time... here goes....