Xing Qing Bu Hao....

Xing qing like shit.... feel like dying.... yet.... i am not dead.... but u.... u died.... suddenly.... shockingly.... dontnoe u well.... but still feel the lost.... did not noe... we were that close.... until now.... i feel the hurt.... i tot i was strong... at least i lasted a day before i drop a tear... i noe u are a a happy place... christian all end up in happy places.... but the lost was too fast.... who can accept.... the pain is not now... but for the people who loved u.... i wish i can be there... to send u for the last time... but i dont 1 2 cry infront of them.... wat will happen to her.... wat will happen to your unborn baby.... keep remembering the smile on your face when i first see u.... u said u will take care of my sister forever... and yet... u left her... i noe nothing is forever... but we were all unprepared.... i had this... i had that... and yet... i am still alive... and u... u are so healthy... yet... u just left...

never knew a phone call was so shocking... never know 30 was your year... never knew u left such a deep impression... never knew i will cry for u... never knew alot of things....

pls be strong... not for yourself but for your baby... we are suppose to be close.... but we are not... want to help... want to comfort... but i can... so far.... i love both of u... yet... now i can only love one of u.... pls be strong.... life have to go on....

just feel very very very very sad.... like shit.... dont noe why its u... maybe if it was me... ppl would understand... but u.... sad.... dont noe who to feel better... want to feel better... tot this christams would be different... now... it is really different.... wat to do... how to do.... when to do.... is there a happy pill... is a forget pill.... is there a revival pill....

you are 30 and healthy.... i am 22 and sick.... when will be mine day ? today ? tomorrow ?? 30 ? i hope... when it is mine time... your all will be prepared.... at least.... the lost is less painful for all of u to bear.....

photos!!!

recently learning to take photos.... haha... so... here are some of the great photos i took.. must say nice!

http://fotologue.jp/matchsteak/

Sian Day

so sian... a sian day with a sian weather.... a sian life with a sian person... sian computer with a sian song... sian.... sian... haha...
nothing to do recently.. acturally is i dont 1 2 do anything... haha... humm.. how is life ? suffer from withdrawal simdrum of a show... just finish watching... haha... huum...

too many things to think recently... wats is marriage... is the world really fair... do u really have to love someone before u can get marriage... or... or.... super big bao dian.... is it time i go look for a boyfriend... haha! bao dian rite... haha... acturally... was wondering more with the first question...

if u love a person u should set him free... but is marriage is the grave yard of love.... y get married wit the one u truly love... if seeing him every morning will make u happy... y not be neightbours..? if u are not use to sleeping in a big bed alone... buy a smaller 1... if its because of a house.... what kind of marriage is that ? trading wat so called freedom for a 1 million brick wall.... marriage is everythign a women wats ? when 'wo men fen shou ba' is no longger the most hurtful word u can say.... when 'wo men li hun ba' is wat is needed to be said to end the pain.... how much pain will that be... is wo men fen shou ba less painful? why put up with all this... y a simple thing has to end up with lawyers and papers and houses ? y loving someone is not so simple as 'i love you' ? wat is a statues? does circling the married coloum make u a happier person...? wats bad about being single ?

a person need food and air to leave...not love... not a roof over you head... than when love is use to trade for a roof... will the love be as long lasting as the roof ? will there be never dying love ? when you ae married for 40 years.... is the one sleeping next to u your ture love... or is the one sleeping next to u... just someone to fillup the space... y love dies but you still live on ?

wat kind of marriage you are looking for... to be with the one you love forever...? or because u have to get marriage cos dating seems to be no longer fun for u...

Hong Kong Part 2 Punked!

Its simple... plot was old school... but... still some people just dont learn... haha... bascially... it all start with... it was the day to go DISNEY LAND!!!! all of us were excited... but woke up late... humm.. i htink it was about 9.30... all woke up except ah min... the not so pretty sleeping beauty... haha! so... wat to do... all hoilday's need a trick or 2... haha.. we changed ur watch's time... handphone... expressions.... feelings.... eezi was the leading actress....

so.... the stage is set... the actors in place.... ACTION!!!! ah min woke up... pissted.... claiming we didinot wake her... haha... cos we told her it was 2 when it was only 10+... haha... all went well... but... ah min was not pisst enough.. u noe... every show needs a peak... THE PEAK WAS NOT THERE!!! the show must go on! haha... so.. our main lead.... with lots of talent and courage... gave the sleeping beauty a hard time in the MTR... haha... all hell break lose!! and my peak... the peak i wanted... finally came!!! AH MIN EXPLODED!!! haha... and... PUNKED!!!! haha...

it was better there... and better when i say it out... rather than type... but... wat the hack... haha... anyway... thanks to all the crew..... we punked the hell out of ah min... eventhough she claims she knew... BUT!!! U GOT PUNKED!!! who cares.... whahahaha!!!!

Hong Kong Part 1

HAHA... came back from hong kong for a month liao... now than post... amoung all me firends... i am the last 1... but... who cares... haha... anway... if you were wondering.... yesh... it was fun... yesh... there was alot of shopping done... yesh... i OVER SPENT... and.... yesh... i bought a pair of nike dunks... yesh... i almost died there.... yesh... jose really should just stay in singapore and forget about being a hong kong tour guide.... haha... anyway.. this is just part 1 of me hong kong photos.... will be loading some more... when...??? when i feel like it... haha... but... i will! up comings.... plot to quimin's hong kong trick.... and...... every ones fav.... Disney land!!!

Post Grad Celebration

last day of the exhabition.... we all went crazy in the libary... haha... every 1 was taking photos with every1... haha... anyway... it is most prob the last time we can take photos with so many ppl also... haha... anyway... that night played till quite late... haha... dont noe wat we do also... oh yar... went rosa house... to see her... cos heard she leaving not coming back... when we wnt there... found out she will be back.... sian 1/2... haha...

anyway.. those photo inside... got me classmates and lecturers... haha... but all look the same rite... haha like students... haha

Grad Liao...

haha... finally i grad already!!! sems like it toooookkkkkkk yearsss... haha... but anyway.. finiah.... wat i am going to do after this... i have no idea... rest first... find the world most lamers part time job to do till next year befor going into full time design... haha... anyway... here are somw photos of me grad.....

any tots on grading.... humm... not really... nothng much... just that... i can rest and play me ass off already...

great thanks to all those people who attend me grad.... haha... thank you... and to those who were not able to make it...... humm.... not because ur all are not important to me... but that.. i only have little tickets... and... not they those that are invited are more important... just that.... they happen to be more... humm... i dont inivite... i will die... haha

anyway.... thanks god.... he is the one that let me grad.... without him... i think i would have long quited.... haha......

Tommy and Luara....

bom bom bom bom~~~
tommy and luara were lovers...
he wanted to give her everything...
he did not die... nor did she...
they just broke up...
for somethings not right...
not because of a car race....
not because of a wedding ring....
the reason be it....
only their mothers noe....

after the break up...
they went their seprate ways...
the car??? had to disband....
wheels belong to 1 side....
metal belong to another....
the gear needs the wheels to move...
the gears need the metal to protect....
the gear had to make a choice...
the gear did not noe wat to expect...
the wheel moves on....
the metal goes along...
the wheel and metal rarely met...
cos one had tommy and the other had laura....

as for the gear???
it can only turn around in circles...
wondering wat is going on...
is the ring too big??
was the car too fast ?

the metal had a gathering...
the wheels were meeting...
the gear....
wish its not going....

in the end....
the gear made a choice...
the gear said a lie...
the gear wish none of this had arrive....

if laura and tommy were togther...
if the ring was just rite...
if the car only had lights...
if only the wheel and the matel were still all tight...
if only.... all despite....
tommy and luara....
i think they had a fight....

moral of the story...
tommy and luara should not have bought a car....

Better Late than Never

haha.. owe me friend her birthday present for humm... about a month le... today... finally... made some time off me slacking boring life to meet her and buy a birthday present... haha... hope she likes it... eventhough... i made her come with me to chose her bday present... hope... it is a kind of suprise also ba... haha...

cannot remember when was the lst time i meet her... i mean... just 2 ppl... haha dont think wrong... she is me best friend.. and only that... full stop... haha... humm.. wat i mean is that... humm.. how to say leh... cos i use to go out with her only... and... nv tot that it will be... how should i say leh... tiring ba... haha.. cos i alway believe that... 2 person go out.. is a very tiring think to do... cos... have to keep on talking... haha.. i am not that talkertive de... just... sometimes... bo bian.. haha.. hum... anyway... when ever i go out with her.. i nv have this problem.. cos both of us.. super lame... haha...

but... to be honest... today... going out with her... i was abit stress... cos.. did not talk to her so much like last time.. alot of things i dont noe le.. i guess.. cos i did not call her in a long time ba... apart for yesterday.. call me up to confirm time.. cannot remember when was the last time i call her up to have a gd chat... haha... its my fault... like i say... shut out from the world... cos... tired... haha...

anyway.. acturally... feel very bad for not calling her as much as usual..... feel bad for not paying attendtion to wat she say... cos alway forget... feel bad... for not having a gd talk with her... i also dont noe y... now a days... when i feel like calling her... also feel wierd wierd de.. cos like.. nohting to say.. i also dont noe how to tell her about me life recently... cos.. apart for sick... i guess nothing much more i can be bothered with... acturally... just very sorry...

hear for her today... her niece not talking to her... want to help... should i help... should i talk to her niece.. should i do something.. lost... apart from praying... i also dont noe wat to say... or wat i can do...

acturally... wanted to tell her.. i am very sorry... not that i forget that i have u as a friend... not that i cannot be bothered to call u... but... things just seems to me piled up... work... tv... and... the very fact that... i just simply dont feel like talking... to anyone ba... not only u only...

but anyway... today's outing was fun... i enjoyed it... and thank you for doing most of the talking... cos... i dont noe wat to say also... haha... anyway.. u will be me best of bestest friend ever... haha... hao rou ma orh... i also cannot tahan... haha... but it is true lar.... hahah

9 More Weeks!!!

humm... a day a way from meeting me lecturers to discuss about me final project... heehee... in me second week now... humm.. stress??? i think only when i have to meet me lecturers ba... haha.. in 9 more weeks... i can be totally free... haha.. free for sch work... cos for once... haha.. i did somethign gd in mine life... haha... finally... in 9 weeks time.. i am a degree holder..!!! haha...

when i was young... me mum always drive pass NUS and tell me... that is me passport to mine future... haha... although me degree is not from there... humm.. still consider passport rite... i mean.. afterall.. wat is the diff with a US passport and a Singapore passport ?? haha.. humm...

super happy... cos... if nothing goes wrong... haha.. i will me the first person in me family who is a degree holder... haha... nv though this day will come... haha... cos.. i am the 1 that nv studies... haha.. humm... come to think of it... haha.. i think i am the first 1... amoung a group of me super clever firends... who got a degree... haha... can u take that... haha.. the 1 who cannot study in secondary sch... wahhah... am i proud of me self... haha.. ok lar..... humm... who am i kidding.. i am super proud!!! haha... it kind of like a self achrivement... haha

anyway... now brain dead for me project... haha.. time goes by~~~ so slowly~~ NOT!!! tomorrow have to see me teacher.... haha.. die!! anyway.. hungry... waiting for me bro to buy food back for me.. heehee... and the 9 weeks still goes on.. haha... hope.. by that day... i can finish me project ba... haha

pray!!! prayer is strong!! god is strong!!! haha.. as long as i have faith... and hardworking.. heehee.. nothing can be in my way!!! wahaha!!! THE DESIGN WORLD OUT THERE!!! BEWARE!!! I AM COMING!!! haha....

22 !!!

a few more mins to me big 22 years old le... how ?? haha feels... sian... cos... alone in the room... heehee nothing much to do also... acturally got lar... sch work... but stuck.... heehee not planing to go to sch tomorrow le... heehee cos... cannot finish work ba... haha

humm... going to be 22 le.. what do i want the most ? haha.. i think is that i can grad from me degree ba... 1st class... hum.. dont htink will get ba... i hope for a 2nd higher... haha... hopefully... heehee humm.. but dont think can le lar.. cos past works have not been gd... heehee... hai... dont noe... sian with work...

2nd thing that i would want most is that i will be healty ba... hai... bu zhi bu jue... i already sick for 4 months le ba.. been in hospital for afew days... tha... things just come one after another... abit sian and dishearted le... seems like me body is nv going to get well... hai... first tummy ach... than leg pain till cannot walk... than hand pain till cannot hold chopsticks... than.. now... me leg blood vien explode... whole leg cover with red spots... and can feel that it is coming to me hands le... finger abit pain on and off... comment with this illness... heehee... some thing to watch out for... me tummy inside may bleed... heehee... sound scary..? i think it sounds funny... keep on remembering about the show da chang jing... heehee the part when she told the king... 'zhong yu dao le zhe ge di bu le....' haha... like waiting for me tummy to be like that... sitting down here... waiting to die... haha... haha nothign i can do about it... the red spots starting to become pain... but... dont dare to tell me mama... haha i also dont noe y... i noe me mama very worried ba... but... i guess i will be ok de lar... heehee... just so sian.. dont noe wat will come up next.... try to be happy and not think about it... it... it is just so visible.... affected by it... YAR! haha... i guess it is more of a disheartering ba... every morening waking up.. hoping it will be ok... but... every morning... wake up... still see the spots... sian...

my god did not forsake me... i think he is just testing me... but... i dont noe... 4 months is a long time ba... i dont noe how long more... i dont noe how much more i can take... how to cure an illness... when... i dont even have faith in it ? just lost...

haha... its me 22 birthday today... heehee... but.. nothing to be happy about... or at least now... not happy... in pain ba... haha.... so sian...

me homework how ? haha... i also dont noe... so sian... moving around in circles... dont noe wat me lecturer wants... i htink... he him slef also dont noe ba... MAKE UP UR ONW MIND OLD MAN!!! driving me mad.... haha... sick!!!!! hai... so much anger and hate towards him... haha... anway.... heehe dont noe lar...

wish myself happy birthday! haha oh yar... and me mama bear also!! haha

the past or the future ?

Heehee… have not blog in a long time… don’t ask me y… heehee lazy… all humans are lazy.. I think my age is catching up with me…heehee… don’t noe… people change.. time change.. saw I show recently.. there is something a guy said… everyone seems to be moving on… but y are u leaving in the past… this sentence struck me… y am I atill leaving in the past.. the first time I blog… I said that.. I don’t ever 1 2 grow up… I guess I enjoy leaving in the past… haha… humm… don’t noe… this new year has already lasted for 2 months… wat have I done…

I have this tendency… to always have this cycle… the cycle of cutting out from the world… y does this always happen… I also 1 2 noe… met a group of old friends today.. humm… every 1 changes.. humm.. I changed also… humm.. or should I say.. I went back tome old self again… I find that recently… I don’t like to talk… don’t noe y… talking has already become a very tirey job for me… not matter to who… I think my communication is breaking down in this world.. hate to talk now… seldom call me friends now adays… don’t think I should ba.. cos don’t noe wat to say… heehee…

I always thik that… too keep our friends by ur side… you must put in effort… effort in meeting them… effort in talking to them… all those… but after today… everything is just so tireing… is there realy friends that will come and go… is there really friends that will stay forever…

Haha… I think… the biggest problem I have in the world is friends ba… is it because I think too much… is it I want to make all me friends have the same weight in me heart or that I am still single… haha… too free…no need to think of bf… haha… it may not be a bad thing… haha

Humm… don’t noe lar… just feel that… time changes everything… changes relationship… changes how I think… but have I grown up… or have I just went back to me old self again…? When will I grow up.. haha… learn something for me church members… did you pray….?? If u did… everything will be ok de… no worries… haha... leave my habd in the lord ba…